Communication First: Why It’s the Key to So Much More

Instead of asking how to stop a behaviour, what if we asked what a child is trying to communicate? Discover why supporting communication is one of the most…

COMMUNICATION FIRST

When a child is struggling, our first instinct is often to focus on their behaviour. We might ask, “How can we stop this from happening?” But what if we shifted the question? What if, instead, we asked, “What is this child trying to communicate?”

That one small change can alter everything that follows. It's like finding a door that has always been locked. We might have spent all our time jiggling the handle or pushing against the frame, focusing on the problem of the closed door. But when we start looking for the key instead, we realise the goal was never to force the door open, but simply to unlock it.

For many neurodivergent children, communication is that key. While we often talk about social skills, emotional regulation, or academic progress, decades of research and experience tell us that communication is the foundation upon which so many other skills are built. It’s how children share their inner world, build relationships, and advocate for themselves.

Focusing on communication first isn't about ignoring other challenges. It's about finding the one tool that can help unlock progress in almost every other area of a child's life.

Communication is the whole toolbox, not just one tool. Speech is one way to communicate, but it’s not the only way. We also communicate with gestures, facial expressions, writing, drawing, sign language, and tools like picture boards or special apps (AAC). Think of it like cooking: you have lots of different utensils for different jobs. The goal isn't just to use a whisk; the goal is to make a delicious meal. For a child, the goal is to share what they think and feel, however they are best able to do it.

The heart of connection and confidence

Imagine for a moment being unable to tell someone you’re hungry or in pain. Imagine not being able to ask for help, explain why you’re upset, or share something you find fascinating. It’s easy to see how quickly frustration, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness would build.

For many children, this isn't just a thought experiment; it’s a daily reality. When a child doesn't have a reliable way to communicate, they may express their needs and feelings through their actions instead. This is why so-called “challenging behaviours” are often a sign of a communication breakdown, not a sign of a child being difficult.

When a child's ability to communicate improves, many other things often fall into place. They may become less frustrated, more independent, more able to learn, and more confident in themselves and their relationships. ==Communication becomes the sturdy foundation that so many other skills are built upon.==

A child who has a way to communicate effectively can tell you what they need, what they want to learn, and when they need a break. This ability to self-advocate is a vital life skill that builds independence and resilience.

More than just learning to talk

The work of a Speech and Language Therapist is often misunderstood as just helping with pronunciation or lisps. In reality, their role is much broader and is centred on supporting all aspects of communication.

They help children with:

Expressive language: This is about helping a child express their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It might involve building their vocabulary, learning to form sentences, asking questions, or telling a story about their day.
Receptive language: This is about helping a child understand what others are communicating to them. This can mean working on following instructions, understanding questions, and making sense of the information they hear in a conversation or a classroom.
Social communication (or pragmatics): This is the art of using language to connect with others. It includes skills like taking turns in a conversation, understanding the context of a situation, reading social cues, and knowing how to get a conversation back on track if there’s a misunderstanding.
Speech production and alternative communication: For some children, this means support with the clarity and fluency of their speech. For others, it means introducing and supporting them with Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) systems to give them another powerful way to express themselves.

A closer look at AAC

Augmentative and Alternative Communication, or AAC, is a term for the wide range of tools that can help someone communicate. This includes everything from simple picture boards and communication books to high-tech tablets with specialised software that can speak a person’s words aloud.

For some children, AAC is a temporary bridge that supports them while they develop spoken language. For others, it becomes a trusted, lifelong way to communicate. Both of these outcomes are equally valid and successful, because the ultimate goal is not speech for its own sake. The goal is clear, effective communication.

For a long time, many parents were told that using AAC might stop a child from learning to speak. We now know, thanks to extensive research, that this is a myth. Communication is not a competition between speech and AAC. In fact, studies consistently show the opposite is true.

Research does not support this claim. Communication is not a competition between speech and AAC. AAC expands communication.

Giving a child an AAC system often reduces their frustration, increases their opportunities to interact, and encourages their overall language development. For many children, having a reliable way to communicate through AAC actually supports the development of more spoken language, not less.

The link between communication and behaviour

Communication and behaviour are two sides of the same coin. When a child lacks a reliable way to say, “I need help,” “This is too loud,” “I want a break,” or “I don’t understand,” they may communicate that need through their actions. Crying, shouting, withdrawing, or lashing out can all be attempts to communicate something important.

This is why professionals are increasingly shifting their perspective. Instead of asking “How do we stop this behaviour?”, they ask, “What is the child trying to communicate?” By teaching a child a more direct and effective way to express their needs, we can often reduce their distress, improve their quality of life, and see a natural reduction in behaviours that stem from frustration.

Communication, independence, and the future

From a neurodiversity-affirming perspective, the goal of communication support is not to make a child communicate in a “normal” or neurotypical way. A child who communicates fluently with a tablet, sign language, or a text-to-speech device is communicating successfully.

Effective communication is the key to long-term independence. It allows a person to advocate for their needs in healthcare, succeed in education and employment, participate in their community, and build meaningful relationships. A child who can communicate effectively is a child who can make choices, influence their own environment, and shape their own life. Communication creates opportunity.

What to remember

Communication is more than just speech. It includes writing, signing, gestures, pictures, and technology (AAC). All forms are valid.
Behaviour is often a form of communication. When a child struggles to express themselves, their actions may be telling you what their words cannot.
AAC does not prevent speech. Research shows that it often supports language development by reducing frustration and increasing communication opportunities.
Supporting communication is a foundational part of supporting a child’s overall development, independence, and wellbeing.

If a child cannot reliably communicate, every part of their life becomes harder. Supporting their communication may not solve every challenge, but it provides the foundation for progress in almost every other area. It can be the difference between constantly guessing what a child needs and finally being able to understand one another—a change that is truly life-altering for the entire family.

Every attempt your child makes to communicate — however it looks — is worth honouring as real communication. Listening with our eyes and our hearts, not just our ears, can change everything.

* American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA)

* American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)

* National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD)

* National Autistic Society (UK)

* Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)